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Katy Moore: The pros and cons of zip codes
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Katy Moore: The pros and cons of zip codes

It’s that time again — moving day.

Four years of being a Kansas girl living in Iowa is coming to an end. By this time next month, I’ll be a Kansas girl living in Nebraska. I hope it’s the last state line I‘m forced to hop in the foreseeable future, because I’m done with this relocation noise.

Moving to college? A pickup truck and a car.

Moving home from college? Two pickup trucks.

Moving away from home and into my own place? A few trips back and forth with the pickup.

Moving a husband, a five-year-old with boundless energy unless she’s asked to help, whereupon she develops a crippling case of Bonelessness Syndrome, a teething five-month-old who stares daggers and barks at me when I put her into the activity jumper so I can work, a small dog who doesn’t really like the big dog in his space (aka the entire house) all that much, and a big dog who kinda-sorta probably definitely wants to eat the small furry critter locked safely behind bars in his cage? An alien UFO with super-advanced technology and a tractor beam couldn’t move this hot mess in one trip and without a brawl.

At some point, my frustration level will hit the point where I’ll just grab a beer, throw myself on the furniture-less floor, and wait to see which squabble breaks out first. Will it be father vs. five-year-old, big dog vs. five-year-old, big dog vs. father while the little dog bites his ankles and the baby alternates between laughing and crying every time she gets startled by the commotion?

That last one is pretty entertaining to watch actually, I’ll have to pencil that in for Day 2. … Maybe Day 3. We have a lot to move before it derails into shenanigans.

When the move is complete, Nebraska will become my third state of residency, though my list is terribly un-exotic. Kansas looks like Iowa, Iowa looks like Nebraska, and Nebraska looks like Kansas. So I’m basically still home. There are subtle differences though, and I often find myself mentally reviewing a pros and cons list when I need an extra scoop of objectivity to see the light at tunnel’s end — typically necessary when I’m glancing around at all of the things yet to be boxed.

Pro #1 – I’ll be living on a stop light intersection. Because apparently, in Iowa, it’s un-kosher to slow down while executing a turn onto a gravel road. You should take it at 55 mph and hope you don’t skid into the ditch, otherwise prepare to be on the receiving end of angry honking and middle digit salutes. Seriously? I live in rural Iowa, what do these people do when they get behind a combine? Road rage anger management is a thing, dude. Sign up for a class.

Con #1 — I’ll be living on a stop light intersection.

Pro #2 — No more rusty well water. Aboveground pool, prepare to meet your maker!

Con #2 — City water = $ = sad face.

Pro #3 — I won’t have to see the trash that people dump under the bridge near my house anymore.

Con #3 — I’ll still know they are dumping trash there, and I’ll hate thinking about how they’re trashing up my bridge, but I won’t be able to get really worked up and rant about it because I can’t see it. And it’s not my bridge anymore.

Pro #4 — I don’t have to drive through Satan’s Intersection in Blair anymore. It’s the one where people don’t understand (or care) that if they’re turning left on a green, they are still supposed to yield for traffic turning right on the same green before they start turning. That’s a thing, too. Look it up.

Con #4 — I’ll still be going through that intersection, I just won’t be turning on it. So I’ll continue to be irrationally angry about it, either from remembering past incidents of lane bullying, or being forced to witness this atrocity happening to some other poor traffic law-abiding soul.

Pro #5 — There are horses in a pasture outside my kitchen window.

Con #5 — My five-year-old loves horses and thinks they are free.

Pro #6 — My dog can’t scavenge the countryside for trash that she can haul home and proudly deposit in front of the garage for us to discover.

Con #6 — She can’t be BFFs with the post office, FedEx, and UPS carriers anymore, or trot down to visit the guys working in the farm’s shop for treats and affection. Or irritate the neighbor, who is unaffected by her charming personality and flits about so she can’t touch him with any part of her disenchanting dog-body.

Pro #7 — I don’t have to worry about my kids, pets, or car windshields when the neighbors drive at breakneck speeds on the gravel road, as if they’re cruising the Audubon after a zombie apocalypse.

Con #7 — I can’t irritate the neighbors with my trash dog.

So, um … I should still move … right?

Midwest Messenger Weekly Update

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A Kansas native, Katy is the daughter of a farmer and a cowgirl. She has been a professional journalist since 2008 and is the Editor of Midwest Messenger. She can be reached at katy.moore@lee.net.

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