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Dear Michael: Most of our children have gone on to other careers, however, our daughter married a local boy and they farm. Our other children are adamant about getting a share of the farmland while our daughter has been here for 20 years. These are boys and I think they feel a bit territorial about their brother-in-law or losing the namesake on the land. What do we do?

- Puzzled By Reaction.

Dear Puzzled By Reaction: Most farming men closely identify with their farm and their farmland. So, it’s only natural that these boys of yours would closely identify with the farm and would not want the farm to go to their brother-in-law.

However, at the end of the day, farming is still a business. If you owned any other business on Main Street and your daughter and son-in-law worked in that business long enough people would soon identify with them more than you over time.

On the other hand, farming as a business doesn’t have a public persona (other than to other farmers) and doesn’t seem to have this same business perspective.

Like everything in estate planning, and in life per se, this little bruhaha-in-the-making needs to be nipped in the bud by having a communication session with the daughter, your sons and your son-in-law. It’s time to have a heart to heart about how much your daughter and son-in-law have put into the farm, how much they’ve sacrificed, and how the farm likely wouldn’t be here at all today had they not stepped up 20 years ago. Letting this go on until you die is just going to keep festering and will bloom out into full on problems when you do die.

As such, you need to sit and listen to your sons and understand how they feel connected to the family farm and that connection doesn’t have to end. If they want to come out and work on the farm after you’re gone, they’re more than welcome. If they have been hunting on the land when they like, see if you can work out an agreement with them and your daughter and son-in-law about their ability to come out and hunt or use the land as they have in the past.

With all this in mind, you still have to be fair to your daughter and son-in-law as they are not your hired hands in this whole affair. They are partners with you in this farming operation and as you get older and older, their responsibilities on both the farming end and helping the two of you live comfortably for the rest of your lives gets heavier and heavier.

If the other three children chose to do something different with their lives, that was their choice. But those who stuck with the business and worked side by side with you and are responsible for your well-being more and more as you age certainly deserve to get some type of shot at receiving a larger share and/or the ability to buy out the other children’s share.

Farms can’t go down in size each generation; there is an economic need to grow the business and expand. If your estate plan has a major downsize in the future for your daughter and son-in-law by splitting up the farm, you better communicate that to them as soon as possible.

They are counting on making a life here – and splitting the land or just plain not making any decisions – will cost them the entire time they spent working with you on the farm.

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Michael Baron provides estate planning guidance at Great Plains Diversified Services in Bismarck, North Dakota. Email him at KeeptheFamilyFarm@gmail.com.

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Michael Baron provides estate planning guidance at Great Plains Diversified Services in Bismarck, North Dakota.